This is the story of a girl named Eevawn and her friend Jenni. You might have met them in the last story where they set out to find the lost land of the hippies and how Eevawn thought she had found the love of her life in the mysterious man she met there that she somehow tricked herself into believing was Jack Kerouac. Of course, it couldn't have been him since we know just what happened to ole Jackie boy in the harsh world known as reality. But, when you're writing sappy fantasy stories like this one and the last one, you can practically make up anything you want no matter how sappy, if sappy is your thing.
   But, none of that matters at the moment since this is a new story to tell, and the author would like to relate said story to you. Now, you might have noticed that this story is about a butt spanking which all girls who become saucy, or already are, so richly deserve. And, you might think that is a dastardly thing to say, and the author of this odd, little tale might agree if he didn't like the thought of taking the girl over his knee and proceeding thereof with said spanking, you know, because she deserved it and not for anything else you might be thinking.
   But, anyway, let's not digress here, ok? So, you might be wondering who said saucy girl is and what she did to deserve such a spanking, and so we will commence with that very subject. However, the author would like to advise that this is not a story for the faint of heart. So, proceed with caution, if you dare.
   One day, and it was a very stormy and sloppy and cold day just because the author likes the idea of Jenni and Eevawn trudging through rain and mud and getting all dirty, especially Eevawn. He even imagined her falling face down in a deep and gooey mud puddle and getting her lovely hair all sloppy and runny with said mud running down her face. But, he figured it wouldn't do to have her looking so pitiful and even crying like a little girl and flinging mud because she wished that her knight in shining armor were there to take her in his arms and wipe all that mud away with his little hankie and kiss any boo boos that she might have incurred in said fall. So, there will be none of that. But, if you'd like to imagine, just for fun, said scenario, then by all means, please do so. The author found it highly amusing, and you might, too.
   Anyway, Jenni and Eevawn set out on one of their usual adventures. If you had read the last story you'd see that they were apt to taking such adventures on a regular basis. And, while on said adventure, and after much time frolicking through the woods in the rain and slop, because it never crossed their minds that they could catch their death in that kind of weather, they came upon a megalithic (cool word, huh?) stone structure that appeared as if it had been part of another time so long ago that even Methuselah's grandma would have thought it was ancient. And, if you had read the book of Genesis in the Bible, you'd know just who the author of this sugary little tale is talking about. But, he won't fault you for not being up on such things, because he knows how people roll their eyes at the mere mention of that book, but not him, because he reads it regularly. But, let's not get overbearing with such things, ok?
   Anyway, again, the two girls came upon this ancient stone structure, and it was covered in the overgrowth of the surrounding vegetation and black and green slime that usually covers ancient ruins hidden away deep in the woods that adventuring girls might come upon or ones that even turn up in far-fetched stories like in a Doctor Who episode or an Indiana Jones movie.
   "I wonder what this is?" Jenni said as she ran her hand over the slimy surface of the structure.
   "I know!" Eevawn answered. "Let's pretend it's a time traveling portal to another time and there's a lost civilization there whose inhabitants are nothing but lowly, groveling men, like those that comment on videos of girls who indulge themselves in that air of superiority, and they are looking for their prophesied queen to come and take her place on their throne. Of course, I am that queen, and I will rule over these lowly subjects, and I'll call them men slaves. They will do my bidding."
Jenni spoke up in objection. "And, what if I want to be the queen?"
"Oh," Eevawn quickly replied. "Well, you can be my second in command. You can have the weak and inefficient men that are too old and ugly to do anything with. I'm sure you can find something among them to your liking."
"That's not fair. I don't like that," Jenni said with a sulky look on her face. "You always get the beautiful men. Why can't I have them for a change?"
Eevawn slipped her arms under Jenni's and hugged her tightly. "But, Jenni. I'm just that way, you know. I was meant for such things. You can tell it when people just fall down at my feet in adoration. I'm sure you always notice such things, don't you?"
   They looked at each other and got that mushy, syrupy, sentimental and any other adjective you can think of to describe the scene feeling, you know the one that girls usually get when they entertain such silly emotional situations like this, and Jenni said with a sigh, "I know. You're just gifted that way. Silly me for thinking anything else."
   "See?" Eevawn said. "Now, let's go back to exploring this magnificent find of ours. Ready?"
   "But," Jenni said. "I can at least have one hunky and beefy man slave, can't I?"
   "You can have ten! Now, let us continue in this quest to find the lost civilization of men slaves!"
   Such a silly moment, wouldn't you agree? Well, you know how some people can be, and Eevawn was no exception to this rule, and she definitely was one for being categorized under the "self importance" heading. But, poor Jenni. She was always taking a back seat to Eevawn. Why, even back in their second grade class, which you might remember being mentioned in our first story, Jenni was over looked for class sweetheart by all the boys just because Eevawn had "kissy lips" as all the boys readily agreed. And, it didn't hurt that Eevawn made chocolate candy hearts for all the boys and secretly promised to each of them to be their girlfriend, when no one else was looking, of course.
   But, we are once again digressing here, and the author realizes you are impatient to get the the crux of the story. You know, that spanking, right? So, as fate would have it, the two girls went about looking over the old building. And, as fate would again have it, they found a way into it. And, you might have guessed it, there inside was a portal into another time! Maybe you'd like to know exactly what happened in there to get them on their way to this other time where men looked to women to rule over them, you know, if that's your thing. And, we know some men like that sort of thing, but the author doesn't care to go into such tasteless commentary at the moment. This is supposed to be a nice, safe story that anyone could enjoy, even grandmothers. But, back to the hows and maybe even the whys if the author can stretch into the imagination for such things. Now, as the two girls were pushing on stones and pulling on twigs sticking out of the structure, they happened to come upon a lever, sort of like in an Indiana Jones movie, and they twisted it to see if it would open up a doorway into the time portal. You know, because that's what you're supposed to do when you find a time portal.            
   And, as things usually go when pulling on levers to ancient time portals, a massive stone door with lots of grinding sounds and dirt pouring from its cracks and crevices slowly opened exposing a dark, gaping hole. Now, most people in their right minds would never enter such a dark and foreboding aperture, because, as things sometimes go like in said movies, the door could close, and you'd never get out. Or, some huge rolling stone could roll out and squash you, and no one would ever know what happened to you until years and years later when someone like Indiana Jones, who always gets the treasure and never gets squashed by huge rolling stones, would find your skull and your wallet and say to his guide, "Don't make any foolish moves like this poor soul did and get us squashed like he got." And, "Isn't this Professor So and So who went missing twenty years ago looking for the lost treasure of the Hotsy Totsy tribe?" Well, anyway, you know that silly guide is gonna make that "foolish move" and get himself squashed and almost get Indiana squashed, too. But, let's get on with the story, because the author is eager to tell you about that spanking.
   So, we were talking about people in their right minds, and we could say that Jenni and Eevawn might not have been since they were always willing to take chances without thinking things out such as walking along lonely trails at night by themselves or willingly trusting anyone at all without question of their character. So, the two girls, although somewhat warily, made their way into the opening. And, what do you think happened next? You might have already figured it out, but in case you didn't, here's what happened. The door shut behind them, of course. And, just to make things more interesting for the reader, strange noises began to emit from deep within the dark void. And, as the two girls moved along into the darkness, the sounds grew louder, and they never would have guessed, nor could you, nor could the author for that matter, just what it was making those sounds.
   "Something very strange is happening, Eevawn!" Jenni screamed out.
   "I know, but I do believe this is a time traveling portal just because I've read too many fairy tale books about such things and have always fantasized that one day I was destined to find one that would take me to a long lost race and become queen of said race!" Eevawn yelled back. The sounds were getting louder, and a wind picked up and was blowing them about and tossing Eevawn's lovely hair making it even more tangled than it usually was. The author would like to mention that her hair was tangled enough already and that he might like to run his fingers through it even though that doesn't have anything to do with the story, really, but you know how some girls can make you want to do such things and even write about it in sappy stories like this. Of course, Jenni's hair wasn't too much of a problem since she always kept a short pixie cut just because she didn't like the idea of it getting tangled in a time portal that she one day might encounter on an adventure with Eevawn where her friend was destined to become queen of a long lost race of wannabe whipped men. The author would explain about the wannabe whipped men and the women who would like to rule over said men and how those men would take such pleasure in said ruling of women, but again, this is supposed to be a story that even your grandmother would enjoy reading.
   So, to make a long story short, kind of, before they knew it, there was a light at the end of the darkness, and the two girls found themselves looking out into a very bright, cavernous opening.
   And, to their surprise, but maybe not given the recent conversation between the two about being destined for such things, there standing before them was a large gathering of men, so large no one could count them all. And, way in the back at the front of this crowd of men was an empty throne in an empty throne room. It was an elegant looking throne in an elegant looking throne room that seemed fit for a queen ( kind of redundant, hmm? ). You might be wondering how they could see that far away, but things like that are easily accomplished in stories like this. And, just as Eevawn had imagined, here was a lost civilization of leaderless men looking for their prophesied queen.
   "Lo, who is the sheer vision of loveliness that standeth before us?" one of the men, dressed in what looked like a toga with a gold floral band wrapped around his head and bulging muscles popping out from his toga, said as he took Eevawn's hand and raised it to his lips. Eevawn assumed an air of confidence just like any queen would, because she knew she was meant for such things. Just then, someone in the great multitude of men, who was the same in appearance as the man holding Eevawn's hand and just as every bit beefy and hunky yelled out, "Can it be? Has the one prophesied to be our queen cometh to us in the form of this vision of loveliness?"
   Eevawn and Jenni looked out at the multitude. They were all dressed the same and just as hunky and beefy as the next man. The one holding Eevawn's hand knelt down on one knee while still holding her hand.
   "Can it be true, oh fair maiden? Art thou our queen?"
   "Why, it is as you say, my handsome peacock," Eevawn said. The author thought it would be amusing to have Eevawn use that silly word "peacock" just because he figured that's the very word she would use for a hunky and beefy guy that was getting ready to declare her queen of his long lost race of men slaves, especially after imagining her with that air of superiority about her. Anyway, back to the silly dialogue, or what's left of it, and the even more silly story.
   "Then," the man said as he looked to the multitude, "everyone boweth to our queen! She has cometh to us at last. We shall serve you with every fiber of our being!"
   Just then, there was a loud cry from the multitude. It was a cry of gladness, and every man bowed low. Eevawn and Jenni stood in awe, but mostly just Eevawn. Well, maybe not. She already knew she was fit to be queen of something, just maybe not over a multitude of men. Could have been a fantasy of hers, but we'll never know, because she never cared to divulge in such secret fantasies she might have entertained deep inside that thick skull of hers even though she said so in the beginning of this story. But, the author just thought it would be fun to mention something about deep, dark secrets, you know, because you could just look at the girl and tell she was harboring such things in that perplexing mind of hers. And, the author only mentions her thick skull, because he knows how stubborn the girl could be. But, what girl isn't a little stubborn once in a while? Some girls could say that guys are just as stubborn, and that might be the case, but let's get on with the story. We don't want to go on and on about such things, because the author is sure you want to know what happened next, right?
   So, as things go with girls who go through windy time portals and get their hair all tangled and blown around, Eevawn was made queen, as you would have suspected, and Jenni was made second in command. They both had their fill of hunky and beefy men. They were treated like royalty, as queens and their second in command usually are. There was nothing that they didn't want for, at least not at first, and they were pampered more than the average person could ever be. And, what girl wouldn't like a good toe rubbing whenever her heart desired it? And, what girl wouldn't like to have all her meals brought to her on plates of gold, and what girl wouldn't like clothes made of the finest fabric, and what girl wouldn't like strawberries dipped in chocolate whenever she wanted and on and on and on, hmm?
   But, as things go, queens and their second in command do get tired of such things, and Jenni and Eevawn were no exception. So, one day, Eevawn tired of her chocolates and toe rubbing cried out in a very lively gesturing. "Oh, I'm so tired of all this! Isn't there something else that can be had for fun? I'm so bored!"
   "Oh, my lady!" the man rubbing her toes cried out. "Is there something I canst do for you? Maybe thou wouldst likest a stroll around the beautiful gardens where hunky and beefy men poseth for thy viewing pleasure?"
   "No!" Eevawn cried out! "No more strolling, no more watching beefy and hunky men or whatever else I care to do with them, and no more chocolate strawberries. I'm tired of the lot! Name something I can do that hasn't been done before!"
   Meanwhile, Jenni, tired of all the above mentioned too, was in the great library perusing the massive collection of books, and she came across one that caught her eye. She pulled it out and began an intensive study of it. She reclined for hours on a plush sofa reading the book all the while having her toes rubbed by a hunky and beefy man.
   "Ah!" she cried out (there's a lot of crying out lately, huh?). "The answer to all this boredom!" Jenni leaped up from her comfortable position where she had almost fallen asleep from the really relaxing toe rubbing and ran to where Eevawn was who was still in the throne room and hollering at the poor beefy and hunky men slaves as she had taken to doing lately.
   "I've found the answer to our boredom, Eevawn!" Jenni yelled out. "Here, in this book!"
   "What is it?" Eevawn asked. "What have you found?"
   "It says here that there was once a queen that ruled over this man slave kingdom, and she was a great queen. What made her so great was she was a warrior, and she made war on every nation around this one. That's what you have to do, become a warrior queen!"
   Eevawn liked the idea. She had always imagined herself on the battlefield clobbering men with her powerful jaw breaking blows (at least that's how she imagined it)  and putting on one of those faces that men usually do when they go off into battle, you know, teeth bared and growling and stuff like that.
   "Yes!" Eevawn said. "We must make war!"
   All the men in her throne room gathered around her. One man stepped up.
   "We are butteth a peaceful nation, your highness. We do not wareth anymore. All we art good for is to pumpeth iron daily to be aesthetically pleasing to our queen and wait on her hand and foot."
   "And, you are aesthetically pleasing, my handsome peacocks. But, I can only tolerate muscly men so much, you know, because I was meant for greater thing like putting useless men in their place by means of my powerful sword wielding blows even though I've never wielded a sword. I just feel it, you know? Anyway, that's what I want, and you have to do what I want!" Eevawn yelled."So, to war we go! Where is the nearest nation we can pick a fight with?"
   "There is one kingdom that is close by. It is just to the north of us, but we have had peace with them for centuries. We doth not maketh war with them as they are a very powerful nation."
   "Ready the troops!" Eevawn said. "We go to war!"
   "Yes, oh good queen," the man said. Of course, at this point, none of the beefy and hunky men dared to defy their new queen. And, so, it was off to war.
   Well, there's no need to go into detail about what happened next except to say that Eevawn and her kingdom of men slaves, along with Jenni, went to war against the great northern kingdom. And, since the men slaves hadn't really practiced at being a fighting nation in centuries they had their asses handed to them on a platter, figuratively speaking, of course. And, Jenni and Eevawn did their best to act the warrior part, but since they didn't have any experience either they had their asses handed to them on a platter, too. But, you might have already expected that, unless you were thinking that they were going to be some kind of real warrior princesses. Not that they were princesses. It's just a figure of speech to make things sound more interesting, right? Anyway, both of the girls were taken prisoner and locked up in a cell way down in a dungeon that wasn't too bad considering how dungeons usually are. And, after a couple of days of having some time to think about their evil deed, an officer of the court came with some news.
   "You two are to have an audience with the king," the man said.
   Well, it's no stretch of the imagination to say that the two girls were afraid and that they figured they were on their way to be croaked. So, they hugged each other and cried in each other's arms and professed their love to each other as any two best friends would do.
   "Come on, you two," the man said. "It's not as bad as all that."
   "Oh, it's not? Imagine that! I thought it was off with our heads or something like that," Eevawn said in that sarcastic tone that you might have thought would only come from Jerry Seinfeld or someone like that. Eevawn wasn't particularly known around town for having any skill in the art of jocularity, but everyone has their moment.
   "Hey, you're funny, queeny," the officer said. "But, you won't be so sarcastic after you see what's in store for you. You're gonna get just what you deserve!"
   The officer threw back his head and laughed and laughed, you know like those diabolical officers can sometimes do in stories where something diabolical is going to happen. But, let's not get redundant, ok? So, the officer collected the two girls, and they were on their way down long passages and winding staircases, but what would you expect in such a place as that? The two girls were amazed at the difference between this place and their former kingdom. And, the men here were completely different from the men slaves they had recently ruled over. These men were burly and hairy and loud. Not at all like the men slaves who were submissive, beefy and hunky. But, before they knew it they were in a great hall and standing before the throne, and there was a man sitting on the throne. He sat silent for a moment, then he spoke.
   "So, you got bored and wanted to make war on me to cure that boredom, huh? Thought you were gonna be warrior princesses, huh?"
   "Well, what can we say?" Eevawn said. "You can't be on top forever, right?"
   The king laughed and said, "You thought you could knock me off my throne, huh?"
   "Why not?" Eevawn asked. "After all, you're just a useless and silly man. And, anyway, I've always dreamed that I was a warrior princess, and I can fight with the best of them, you silly man!"
   "Silence!" the king exclaimed.
   "I will not!" Eevawn yelled back. "Who are you to tell me what I can or can't do, silly man!"
   "Ok, I think it's time you've been taught a lesson!" the king said.
   "Oh, and I suppose you're going to be the one to do it?" Eevawn asked.
   "That would be me. I can tell you've been needing this for a long time, you saucy girl, you!"
   With that, the king stood up and called to one of the guards. He leaned over to the guard whispering something to him, sat back down, and the man left. Before long he came back with an armless chair and set it in front of Jenni and Eevawn. The king got up and went to the chair and sat on it. Then, two guards came to them and proceeded to place Eevawn over his knee.
"What are you doing?" Eevawn protested. "You can't do this to me!"
"Once, every day, you will be administered ten whacks on the butt by me, of course," the king said.
The king raised his hand and began whacking away at Eevawn's butt. She cried out in pain, but really, it wasn't too hard. Ten whacks, that was all the king gave. Eevawn rubbed her sore butt, and looking back asked, "Who are you?"
   "Why, I'm King Jaimz, of course!" The king laughed and laughed as Eevawn lay over his knee rubbing her sore butt. Jenni stood trying to hold back the laughter. She couldn't help being amused at the sight of her friend stretched out over a man's knee and wiggling around like that and arms and legs flailing and face turning as red as a beet. But, she was glad this story really wasn't about her, because then she'd be the one getting a good whacking, and she'd hate for any man to take advantage of her in that way, the author thinks. But, since the author of this shameful tale of woe only has a thing for Eevawn, she's the only one that will be receiving a spanking. Maybe one day, someone will fall madly in love with Jenni and want to spank her butt, too, and write a cheesy story about it for all the world to read like this one hopes to accomplish. But, let's get back to the action or butt spanking if you will, because the author knows how much everyone loves a good action story mixed with shameless whackings on the butts of saucy girls.
   The king helped Eevawn up, and just then, two of the men slaves ran into the king's court and grabbed Eevawn and Jenni and ran with the two girls toward the castle gate.
   "Seize them!" the king shouted. The king did not want them getting away. After all, he had thoroughly enjoyed giving Eevawn that spanking. He had never had so much pleasure, because there wasn't a girl in his kingdom that was as saucy and that needed such a whacking and...well, never mind. You can figure out the rest, if you please. But, the two men slaves fought gallantly to free themselves and the two girls from the butt spanking king.
Before long, the two men slaves and the two girls were on their way to the kingdom of men slaves. And, before long, again, they were there.
   Jennie and Eevawn were glad to be back, sort of. Of course, they were bored with all that pampering and chocolate and toe rubbing, but they didn't much appreciate the prospect of being spanked daily by that butt spanking King Jaimz up there in that rough-house looking castle of a place although Eevawn secretly admired the king for taking such liberties with her. And, you never know when King Jaimz would have had a hankering for some more butt spanking and pursue Queen Eevawn and take her back to his castle and proceed thereof with the daily whacking. Only ten whacks a day, of course. And, even though Eevawn secretly wished for it, she thought it best for dignity's sake to forgo such savagery.
   After a few well deserved hours of sleep in their plush and comfy beds with sheets of satin, Eevawn went to Jenni's room and told her that she missed home and wanted to go back. Jenni was of the same mind, so they decided to slip away that night and go back to their own time and place. Now, you might be thinking that they should have stayed and ate chocolates and had toe rubbings by hunky and beefy men for the rest of their lives, but if you had been either one of them, you would have understood how tiring that can be and probably would have done the same thing. But anyway, when darkness fell over the now peaceful kingdom of the men slaves, the two girls secretly stole away in the night and headed for the ancient structure that probably wasn't as ancient in this time as it was in their own as mentioned before, but you know how the author hates being redundant.
  And, before long, they were back in their own time although the trip back was a little more bumpy than before with a little more hair tossing, except for Jenni's because of the pixie cut, and a little more loud banging sounds and wind. And, you might be wondering how they were able to get the massive stone door open after it had shut like in all those movies where massive stone doors shut so the heroes of the story can't go back, because if they did there would be no story. Well, let's just say there's not enough imagination on the part of the author to figure that one out. But, if you'd care to come up with your own conclusion on the matter, then you're more than welcome.
   And, before long, again, they were safely back in their own homes fast asleep in their own beds with their favorite teddy bears and their favorite books on their little bookshelves above their beds and their exotic teas and cakes and whatever else they held dear to them. But, what about their families, you ask? Where did they think they had gone, and what did they think they had done? Seems like their families were used to them going off on long journeys in far off places hunting and searching for hippie communes to live in for weeks on end. So, they didn't think much of it when the two girls came back after having been away for weeks.
   Now you know who said saucy girl is that needed a good whacking or spanking, if you will. And, you probably won't be surprised if said girl receives more butt spankings in the coming adventure stories. The author of this sordid tale figures she'll never change her ways, and that sort of thing is always in order for such saucy girls.
   And, you might be wondering what the moral of the story is. Well, you can figure that one out, if you please. And, if butt spanking upsets you just remember, if it's good enough for John Wayne to give a good whacking to Maureen O'Hara's butt, then it's good enough for any average guy, especially the king of a mighty nation next to the men slave nation that was briefly ruled over by Jenni and Eevawn. Oh, and you might be wondering who King Jaimz was. Well, he is the long lost relative of the author of this spine tingling tale of woe and glad of it since he so admired all that butt spanking, you know, when a girl needed it.
                                                                       The End


                                           

Story, Art © James Griffin